people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
