Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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