That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
