I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
