Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
