listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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