Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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