At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
