if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
