I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
