It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
