my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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