White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
