Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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