mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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