If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My penis needs a shock collar
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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