APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
