I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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