i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
