It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
