Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
