My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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