i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
