I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
