You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You left your phone here
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