Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
