i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
