she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
