So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
