I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize