He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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