So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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