I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
