He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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