that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
