Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
is it fun? or sober?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
