Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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