Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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