no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
