thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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