so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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