I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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