I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
