a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
