Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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