eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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