There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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