you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
