At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I want a musical about memes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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