I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
