you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
