Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
