i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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