Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This baby is an asshole
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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