The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
