I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
