Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
