goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
