I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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