seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
