i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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