it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
