i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
