so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
