Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
