Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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