Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
