my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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