Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
