i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
