If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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